Fatigued...and Still Fighting
Fatigue: Extreme tiredness typically resulting from mental or physical exertion or illness; weariness, exhaustion.
Every now and then I look at the stats of our blog, see what previous posts people are reading and read some of our earlier writings. A few months back, I had more fight in me. The fight is still there, but the day to day fatigue has settled in.
Lately Mom's been calling me later at night. Even after we have already talked. 9pm her time. The other night she talked the entire time as if Dad was still alive. How they went out earlier in the day and looked at cars. Yesterday was the 8 year anniversary of his death. I am sure she sees him, and talks with him. I talk with him too - and when I'm quiet I can hear his answers, his wisdom.
On the one hand, I keep thinking how hard it would be for him if he were here. And on the other, he would make the best of it. When I get caught in emotion or don't want to deal with any of it, I think of how Dad would handle the situation. And then I almost instinctively know what to do. And right now, that's talking on the phone more often and less time with each phone call.
It seems the longer I talk with Mom, the more I become exhausted. As her confusion becomes more commonplace, my brain gets tired trying to keep up with her and the new confusing stories her brain tells her. When our conversations are shorter, I can keep pace and am less tired at the end of a phone call. This new trick took me a couple of weeks to figure out. The moment I become comfortable with a tactic, new symptoms appear, or they take a new turn. Dementia sure keeps me on my toes :)
The answer to fatigue isn't always rest. I have found the answer in friends, the beauty and simplicity of nature and full on belly laughs. These give me the strength and courage to continue the fight. And Voyageur and I have no choice but to keep on keeping on. And as my dad would remind us - every storm cloud passes.
Back at ya Voyageur!
Every now and then I look at the stats of our blog, see what previous posts people are reading and read some of our earlier writings. A few months back, I had more fight in me. The fight is still there, but the day to day fatigue has settled in.
Lately Mom's been calling me later at night. Even after we have already talked. 9pm her time. The other night she talked the entire time as if Dad was still alive. How they went out earlier in the day and looked at cars. Yesterday was the 8 year anniversary of his death. I am sure she sees him, and talks with him. I talk with him too - and when I'm quiet I can hear his answers, his wisdom.
On the one hand, I keep thinking how hard it would be for him if he were here. And on the other, he would make the best of it. When I get caught in emotion or don't want to deal with any of it, I think of how Dad would handle the situation. And then I almost instinctively know what to do. And right now, that's talking on the phone more often and less time with each phone call.
It seems the longer I talk with Mom, the more I become exhausted. As her confusion becomes more commonplace, my brain gets tired trying to keep up with her and the new confusing stories her brain tells her. When our conversations are shorter, I can keep pace and am less tired at the end of a phone call. This new trick took me a couple of weeks to figure out. The moment I become comfortable with a tactic, new symptoms appear, or they take a new turn. Dementia sure keeps me on my toes :)
The answer to fatigue isn't always rest. I have found the answer in friends, the beauty and simplicity of nature and full on belly laughs. These give me the strength and courage to continue the fight. And Voyageur and I have no choice but to keep on keeping on. And as my dad would remind us - every storm cloud passes.
Back at ya Voyageur!