Puzzling

Mom and sis at our favorite nursery.

I'm listening to some audio files this afternoon: conversations my sister had with my mom when my sister came home for a visit, in the midst of mom's dementia (it's for a project we're working on). Aside from an occasional piece of repetition mom sounds wonderful.  This is where things become so confusing for family friends and others.

Your loved one SOUNDS normal, yet there is spoiled food in the fridge that they eat if you don't find it first, their finances are wonky at best (decimated at worst), they might not know what day/date it is, they completely misplace everyday items repeatedly and yet....they sound so normal. It's whiplash for caregivers. It's part of how others can deny there is anything wrong - "They sound perfectly fine to me!"

When I was trying to get a guardianship/conservatorship for my mom started through probate court a judge spoke with her for less than 5 minutes, and despite my submitted list of concerns about her, deemed her fit to care for herself. Because she sounded just fine.

Her Frontotemporal Dementia progressed, her symptoms got worse. Things got messy.

And yet she sounded just like herself....not sick.

She's gone now, so is most of my caregiver anxiety. Hearing her voice in those audio files now is soothing, because she sounds just fine. And, I get to hear her laugh again.