Shifting Perception
This has been a momentous few weeks on a variety of levels. Shift in career, shift in equality, shift in Mom's progression and communication. When I told Mom that the Supreme Court struck down the Defense of Marriage Act, she said it was about time. She is still very much my mom and very much herself.
And she's not. Our conversations are much smaller. She asks about what am I eating for dinner/lunch/breakfast. What is the weather. Who have I seen recently. She rarely talks about what she's doing, because she doesn't really remember. I ask her if she is crocheting, and she says yeah, a little. There is no talk of making scarves, hats, mittens for kids with AIDS or indigent moms. It's now a distant memory. When there is silence, I need to fill it. I think she has run out of words. And sometimes I have too.
My grieving process is daily. I just miss my mom. The lady who would give me the practical, pragmatic advice, whether or not I wanted it. The craziest thing is missing her while I am on the phone with her. It's this weird limbo. Sometimes we are able to have more of a conversation and other times its just reveling in the fact we can hear each others' voice. And then I think, isn't that what its all about? Knowing that she is on the other end of the phone and she loves me, is proud of me, would throw down anyone who got in my way or hurt me. Hell, I guess Mom never stops teaching me.
Kickin' back over to you Voyageur.
And she's not. Our conversations are much smaller. She asks about what am I eating for dinner/lunch/breakfast. What is the weather. Who have I seen recently. She rarely talks about what she's doing, because she doesn't really remember. I ask her if she is crocheting, and she says yeah, a little. There is no talk of making scarves, hats, mittens for kids with AIDS or indigent moms. It's now a distant memory. When there is silence, I need to fill it. I think she has run out of words. And sometimes I have too.
My grieving process is daily. I just miss my mom. The lady who would give me the practical, pragmatic advice, whether or not I wanted it. The craziest thing is missing her while I am on the phone with her. It's this weird limbo. Sometimes we are able to have more of a conversation and other times its just reveling in the fact we can hear each others' voice. And then I think, isn't that what its all about? Knowing that she is on the other end of the phone and she loves me, is proud of me, would throw down anyone who got in my way or hurt me. Hell, I guess Mom never stops teaching me.
Kickin' back over to you Voyageur.