'Put on a Happy Face'

That was the song that popped into my head before I started writing - Put on a Happy Face....'Grey skies are gonna clear up, put on a happy face.' Probably my dad's favorite lyric - 'take off the gloomy mask of tragedy, it's not your style.' :)

I hate to say it, but these days I'm actually avoiding calling my mom.  With my new job, it's a little tricky.  I take public transit, so I leave much earlier in the morning and the earliest I get home is 7:30.  But that's an excuse - I don't want to call her in the morning because that's my yoga and meditation time.  And actually that's another excuse because I have about a half hour or so time I could call her.

But I'm afraid to call.  Again our conversations have gotten smaller and some of the hallucinations/delusions have become, well, what I like to call full time.  She always talks about my dad in the present tense, for one.  It's jarring to me every time.  It doesn't matter if I've prepared myself, still knocks me off balance.  So I try to do most of the talking, but lately she's been talking more rapidly, almost as if she's afraid she will forget how to talk.  And so, oftentimes the conversations are sad and uncomfortable for me.  Kinda funny, writing that last sentence I could hear my mom's voice say. 'well sometimes honey, you gotta eat those green beans even when you don't want to.  They're good for you.'

The funny thing is, even though I want to avoid talking with Mom - she calls me everyday if I don't call.  And even though talking with her has become more challenging, these are still precious precious moments.  So I guess calling is not only good for her, but for me.  Guess it's time to put on that happy face.

For me, I will choose the lyric 'Pick out a pleasant outlook, stick out that noble chin.'  And spread sunshine all over the place and put on a happy face.

I think my mom would really like this version - she loves Stevie Wonder.