Colorful Dementia Bouquet

I've been home from mom' s house for 90 minutes and she doesn't remember I was there tonight at all - no clue that we had dinner together and laughed, looked for her bedroom tv remotes...nothing.  She just called me on the phone as if I was never there, asking me what I had for dinner and what I've been doing today.  Even thought I was AWAY at work and asked were they ever going to give me vacation time. And the bedroom tv remotes are still lost (thank god for buttons along the bottom of the tv...).

 "Sundown ya better take care
If I find you been creepin' 'round my back stairs
Sometimes I think it's a sin
When I feel like I'm winnin' when I'm losin again .."

Sun Downers just plain sucks, makes it all worse, scrambles her brain even more than it already is.

It's been one of those  rare days for me - it all just got to me:  I cried most of the 30 minute drive home from mom's house.  As much as I want to be, I am NO Wonder Woman. And today was difficult emotionally...on the inside.  When you add the emotional devastation of this disease with the physical care taking of your loved one AND their household...it equals exhausted family caretakers.  I'm surprised we function at all in our own lives.

There I am, present in just a single moment for her, to make her smile not feel alone.  I treasure that singular moment, knowing she slips further away from me after each of those precious times we spend together.