'Open My Eyes'
Thanks so much for following our blog. Clearly sometimes it's harder to write than others.
One of the things that happened right around the holidays that took the wind out of our sails is a family member did something amazingly egregious, and although we were not totally surprised, it still is incredibly sad. Sad that a person puts ahead their own needs and wants above someone who is clearly ill and needs help. Gotta tell you, if you don't think it can happen in your own family, think again. We thought something like that would never happen in our own family.
What's funny, is Mom no longer recognizes that person. She hadn't seen this person in quite a few months, and now doesn't know who this person is. Funny how the brain protects the human. Maybe I will take Mom's lead and not get so caught in the drama.
The other day I received a phone call from Mom's pastor. She has called Mom a few times and now is getting ready for a visit. The pastor came on board Mom's church just a few months after Dad died. They would go out to lunch occasionally.
The pastor knows Mom has Alzheimer's but wanted to know more. It felt like I talked with her for an hour, but it was only about 10 minutes. I told her everything, all the family drama, how Mom has progressed, and now Mom has occasional hallucinations. She sees Dad - isn't that crazy? She sees him in his recliner. When I was home last, I saw her look at the recliner and smile. I glanced over to see if I could get a glimpse of him, I can feel his presence all over that house. No, I didn't see him, but she sure did.
Oh yeah, back to the pastor. As I was talking with her, I started crying. It was good to talk with someone who understands, who's not a family member (no offense Voyageur), who's compassionate. Her mom also had Alzheimer's and she know what we are going through. She is one of the primary caregivers the last 3 years of her mom's life. She told me something I hadn't heard put quite this way - as the Alzheimer's progresses, the conversations move from substance to affection. I 'knew' that being present with Mom, but on the phone it's a little tricky. I want to tell her about my job, what I'm doing, and I can tell she struggles to understand. And then I understood. Talking with the pastor opened my eyes - it doesn't matter what I say, just that I call, let her know I love her and I'm doing well. I think next time we talk, we will talk about flowers and how I want to grow rosemary.