The More She Sees Me

The Entertainer

the more she WANTS to see me.

As flattering as that sounds, it's difficult.  It's difficult to live two lives and you're struggling in both of them.  I have things I need to do and they bump up against the things she needs to do.  I've been out and about and to her house with her twice in three days this weekend.  I barely have time to tend to my own life.  And then there's the emotional exhaustion...and all my own stuff.

She called  yesterday saying she was bored and wanted to get out of the house.  So I went, we had fun..when I got home it was 4.5. hours later.  I watch my "my time" slip away.  We did groceries and hung out together for a few hours the day before.  Boundaries are getting fuzzy and I can't stand to see her upset and lonely.  The conservator is moving more slowly than I thought on the long term care insurance...and I'm feeling frazzled.

I've not been having a good time of it and it's been why I haven't written.

This is also part and parcel of Alzheimer's caregiving, it's something you should know about and recognize that it might be part of you might experience. People who have relatives close by who are willing and able to help are frickin lucky. 

I have to reorganize some things and adjust my attitude....
Voyageur