Happy Easter
(I recently found an app for caregivers and knew I needed to share it with y'all. It's for iPhone - I think it's revolutionary.)
First Easter without Mom. Her birthday is in two days and Dad's is the Monday after that. This has been a challenging week for me fo sho. Growing up, Easter would be dying eggs bright vibrant colors, finding coins Dad hid, church with Dad singing in the choir, brunch. These are memories Mom never forgot.
Over the past few years, as Mom's memory began fading, we improvised. Maybe color eggs, maybe not. Always chocolate - funny thing with dementia, the sweet tooth always wins. And always always lots of love and laughter.
What I find fascinating with how dementia affected Mom - she seemed to forget the crap and remembered the good times. She would see the sun through the clouds - literally. and figuratively. We were lucky, I have heard and read some really tough stuff as how dementia can change behavior. Voyageur has been opening up recently and telling me how confused Mom was before we moved her into the memory care facility. Mom kept packing thinking she was going home. That's a common theme for those who suffer from dementia.
I miss her. I miss picking up the phone and telling her about my day, the flowers I'm seeing, hearing about what new thing she is crocheting, talking about Dad. Grief is a crazy thing. Although we talk about stages, they kinda happen together and messy. Denial and anger. Depression and acceptance. I was grieving the loss of her while she was still here. What I was losing, what she was losing.
In my bones I know she is with me. and so is Dad. When I see a hummingbird hover over a red car, a song on the radio - or one that pops in my head, when I'm doubting myself and I hear her voice giving me encouragement - that's her.
Easter for me is about hope and the promise of something better - magnificent. To get to the magnificent we have to walk a rough and tough road. We all have crosses to bear and have no understanding as to why. I can get lost in the why and mystery of it all, and miss the beauty if I'm not paying attention. I'm so grateful Voyageur and I have each other and Mom never lost her sense of humor during the hardest parts of dementia.
This year's Easter rituals will be in quiet reflection and nature, with laughter and love. I wish you all the promise and hope of Easter.
Kickin' it back to ya Voyageur.
First Easter without Mom. Her birthday is in two days and Dad's is the Monday after that. This has been a challenging week for me fo sho. Growing up, Easter would be dying eggs bright vibrant colors, finding coins Dad hid, church with Dad singing in the choir, brunch. These are memories Mom never forgot.
Over the past few years, as Mom's memory began fading, we improvised. Maybe color eggs, maybe not. Always chocolate - funny thing with dementia, the sweet tooth always wins. And always always lots of love and laughter.
What I find fascinating with how dementia affected Mom - she seemed to forget the crap and remembered the good times. She would see the sun through the clouds - literally. and figuratively. We were lucky, I have heard and read some really tough stuff as how dementia can change behavior. Voyageur has been opening up recently and telling me how confused Mom was before we moved her into the memory care facility. Mom kept packing thinking she was going home. That's a common theme for those who suffer from dementia.
I miss her. I miss picking up the phone and telling her about my day, the flowers I'm seeing, hearing about what new thing she is crocheting, talking about Dad. Grief is a crazy thing. Although we talk about stages, they kinda happen together and messy. Denial and anger. Depression and acceptance. I was grieving the loss of her while she was still here. What I was losing, what she was losing.
In my bones I know she is with me. and so is Dad. When I see a hummingbird hover over a red car, a song on the radio - or one that pops in my head, when I'm doubting myself and I hear her voice giving me encouragement - that's her.
Easter for me is about hope and the promise of something better - magnificent. To get to the magnificent we have to walk a rough and tough road. We all have crosses to bear and have no understanding as to why. I can get lost in the why and mystery of it all, and miss the beauty if I'm not paying attention. I'm so grateful Voyageur and I have each other and Mom never lost her sense of humor during the hardest parts of dementia.
This year's Easter rituals will be in quiet reflection and nature, with laughter and love. I wish you all the promise and hope of Easter.
Kickin' it back to ya Voyageur.