The Aftermath
Shock - what an incredible gift to let the mind deal with something it's not quite ready for. The shock of my mom's death started to lift the beginning of this month. I don't know if the shock of dementia will lift. As we get her estate in order, I look back over the pictures and videos we took last year as we were preparing Mom to move to the memory care facility. Pictures of her bedroom in total disarray and handmade doilies pinned to the wall (and other really bizarre things). The memory of Voyageur having to yell at Mom's general practitioner to sign the paperwork so Mom could enter her new home. The card where she signed Diane and put Mom in quotes.
Mom was pretty sick, but her sense of humor was sharper. Her putting up with bullshit - gone. Her capacity for love - boundless. These things I miss the most. I know she is with me and incredibly grateful we will not see the end of Alzheimer's with her, but I miss telling her what I will have for dinner, hearing what the weather is like back home, what she plans on making for dinner.
A couple of weeks ago, I needed to help Voyageur with some of the paperwork following Mom's death. I needed to show both my parent's death certificates. I read and re-read their death certificates. Birthdate, death date, cause of death, time of death. Nothing like helping lift the fog of shock as cold hard death certificates :-) At the same time, I know neither of them are suffering - my dad had throat cancer and they had to do a tracheotomy. And with Mom, we will never have to see the end stages of Alzheimer's. She was terrified of ending up a babbling idiot.
For me, this is where the rubber of my faith hits the road - knowing that my parents are with me every step of the way. Pictures, writings help with that. And memories. Last week was my parents' 54th wedding anniversary. I'm sure they are together. We were lucky - we had so much love in our family. I leave you with their song - Theme from A Summer Place.
Mom was pretty sick, but her sense of humor was sharper. Her putting up with bullshit - gone. Her capacity for love - boundless. These things I miss the most. I know she is with me and incredibly grateful we will not see the end of Alzheimer's with her, but I miss telling her what I will have for dinner, hearing what the weather is like back home, what she plans on making for dinner.
A couple of weeks ago, I needed to help Voyageur with some of the paperwork following Mom's death. I needed to show both my parent's death certificates. I read and re-read their death certificates. Birthdate, death date, cause of death, time of death. Nothing like helping lift the fog of shock as cold hard death certificates :-) At the same time, I know neither of them are suffering - my dad had throat cancer and they had to do a tracheotomy. And with Mom, we will never have to see the end stages of Alzheimer's. She was terrified of ending up a babbling idiot.
For me, this is where the rubber of my faith hits the road - knowing that my parents are with me every step of the way. Pictures, writings help with that. And memories. Last week was my parents' 54th wedding anniversary. I'm sure they are together. We were lucky - we had so much love in our family. I leave you with their song - Theme from A Summer Place.