Blessed in Dementia
The other day I thought I was going to write a blog posted titled 'Sh*t got real' and I decided to table it. Without a doubt, Mom's symptoms have increased, the disease has progressed, and in the past couple of weeks the progression has been faster. Every time this happens, I get slightly freaked out, may or may not have a panic attack and slip into fear - fear of the future.
Mom and Dad taught us better than that. Of course we will get scared, sad, angry and be fearful. But then let's move past it and get on with life. These days I think lots about my dad. He was a construction electrician. He worked on buildings with multiple floors and usually buildings that were in the beginning stages of construction. He was afraid of heights :) Of course we all know the adage, courage isn't absence of fear, it's feeling the fear and doing it anyhow. Dad lived that adage. He was the most inspirational man I've ever met. He had all kinds of sayings and lived them all. The impossible just takes a little longer; turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones. There isn't a day that goes by I don't think about him. I'm sure Mom feels the same way.
Mom is just as inspiring. Always volunteering for March of Dimes, mentoring youth, making blankets for AIDS babies and so much more. While we growing up, Mom was afraid for us, always wanting to make sure we would be able to take care of ourselves as we grew older - having an IRA, contributing to a 401k, etc. And sometimes Mom would tell us there wasn't anything we couldn't do, it was just up to us as to what we wanted to do. And she would tell us to get a 'traditional' job. She witnessed her own mom become a widow in her early 50s and Grandma struggled financially the rest of her life.
Mom was somewhat harsh and judgmental of the careers Voyageur and I selected for ourselves. An odd coincidence I have noticed - over the years as Mom has become less judgmental, her hair has lightened :) Don't get me wrong, Mom has always been super supportive, her judgments have always been her fear that we would be ok. As Mom's dementia progresses, the judgments fall. Her fears are almost non-existant. She laughs really easy, always making jokes. She appreciates even the smallest gestures. Although she stumbles due to the dementia, she is moving through life with much grace :)
The other day Voyageur said to me this is the woman Dad fell in love with. A woman full of life, light in heart and enjoying life. I am reminded of the story Mom and Dad would tell us about their honeymoon - they had driven into a snowstorm and around 1in the morning, Mom coaxed Dad to make snow angels. We are very blessed to be experiencing the best of Mom. Blessed that her hallucinations are of young children who want to eat pizza and ice cream. And that she sees Dad.
Back at ya Voyageur.
Mom and Dad taught us better than that. Of course we will get scared, sad, angry and be fearful. But then let's move past it and get on with life. These days I think lots about my dad. He was a construction electrician. He worked on buildings with multiple floors and usually buildings that were in the beginning stages of construction. He was afraid of heights :) Of course we all know the adage, courage isn't absence of fear, it's feeling the fear and doing it anyhow. Dad lived that adage. He was the most inspirational man I've ever met. He had all kinds of sayings and lived them all. The impossible just takes a little longer; turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones. There isn't a day that goes by I don't think about him. I'm sure Mom feels the same way.
Mom is just as inspiring. Always volunteering for March of Dimes, mentoring youth, making blankets for AIDS babies and so much more. While we growing up, Mom was afraid for us, always wanting to make sure we would be able to take care of ourselves as we grew older - having an IRA, contributing to a 401k, etc. And sometimes Mom would tell us there wasn't anything we couldn't do, it was just up to us as to what we wanted to do. And she would tell us to get a 'traditional' job. She witnessed her own mom become a widow in her early 50s and Grandma struggled financially the rest of her life.
Mom was somewhat harsh and judgmental of the careers Voyageur and I selected for ourselves. An odd coincidence I have noticed - over the years as Mom has become less judgmental, her hair has lightened :) Don't get me wrong, Mom has always been super supportive, her judgments have always been her fear that we would be ok. As Mom's dementia progresses, the judgments fall. Her fears are almost non-existant. She laughs really easy, always making jokes. She appreciates even the smallest gestures. Although she stumbles due to the dementia, she is moving through life with much grace :)
The other day Voyageur said to me this is the woman Dad fell in love with. A woman full of life, light in heart and enjoying life. I am reminded of the story Mom and Dad would tell us about their honeymoon - they had driven into a snowstorm and around 1in the morning, Mom coaxed Dad to make snow angels. We are very blessed to be experiencing the best of Mom. Blessed that her hallucinations are of young children who want to eat pizza and ice cream. And that she sees Dad.
Back at ya Voyageur.