Caregiving Ain't for Sissies
As Voyageur and I wade through the myriad of emotions called the holidays, I wanted to take a slight step back and write a little more educational post today.
We learned the hard way the difference between durable power of attorney and conservatorship, and how banks differentiate between the two. When we first got Mom's diagnosis of fronto-temporal dementia and realized the absolute mess her finances were in, we got 2 letters from her specialized physicians (one in gerontology and the other in neuro-psychology) stating she was unable to take care of her finances. We believed this was enough to take over her finances, especially considering that both Voyageur and I had legal durable power of attorney. Oops wrong.
When Dad died, Mom added me as a joint account owner on her primary checking account. The bank would only give me access to that account, saying we needed to have conservatorship to take over her other accounts. TWO letters from doctors saying she was cognitively unable to take care of her own finances, AND her financial planner stating the same and the bank still refusing us access while money poured out of Mom's accounts (due to her dementia - writing about the loss of money is a whole 'nother post).
Word to the wise - when seeking conservatorship, obtain a third party. It's a court matter - with a hearing - and the person you are seeking to be conservator of needs to be declared legally 'incompetent' by a judge. That's what we did - Voyageur went to court to attempt to become Mom's conservator. Fuck, that was a mistake! Mom was super pissed at Voyageur and the judge did not grant conservatorship. Lovely - back to the drawing board and now we have a third party as conservator. It took weeks, if not months of Voyageur repairing the relationship.
We also learned that being conservator is almost a full-time job. That person pays the bills, makes sure the guy who cleans the gutters gets paid, ensures taxes are filed, and makes sure Mom has enough money for groceries, hair cuts, and mad money. That's a hella lot and super glad that Voyageur does not have that responsibility. Spending time with Mom and being her guardian (Voyageur is Mom's legal guardian) is enough. More than enough. I'm exhausted just being the long-distance caregiver.
Moral of the story - don't trust banks or any financial institution. As soon as you get a diagnosis, get an audit of the finances. And if you need to get a conservator, get a third party (a good elder law attorney) to be your loved one's conservator. Due to a variety of extenuating circumstances, it took us a year to get someone in place. And a loss of a ton of money. Educate yourself. Now.
Yo Voyageur....your turn ;)
We learned the hard way the difference between durable power of attorney and conservatorship, and how banks differentiate between the two. When we first got Mom's diagnosis of fronto-temporal dementia and realized the absolute mess her finances were in, we got 2 letters from her specialized physicians (one in gerontology and the other in neuro-psychology) stating she was unable to take care of her finances. We believed this was enough to take over her finances, especially considering that both Voyageur and I had legal durable power of attorney. Oops wrong.
When Dad died, Mom added me as a joint account owner on her primary checking account. The bank would only give me access to that account, saying we needed to have conservatorship to take over her other accounts. TWO letters from doctors saying she was cognitively unable to take care of her own finances, AND her financial planner stating the same and the bank still refusing us access while money poured out of Mom's accounts (due to her dementia - writing about the loss of money is a whole 'nother post).
Word to the wise - when seeking conservatorship, obtain a third party. It's a court matter - with a hearing - and the person you are seeking to be conservator of needs to be declared legally 'incompetent' by a judge. That's what we did - Voyageur went to court to attempt to become Mom's conservator. Fuck, that was a mistake! Mom was super pissed at Voyageur and the judge did not grant conservatorship. Lovely - back to the drawing board and now we have a third party as conservator. It took weeks, if not months of Voyageur repairing the relationship.
We also learned that being conservator is almost a full-time job. That person pays the bills, makes sure the guy who cleans the gutters gets paid, ensures taxes are filed, and makes sure Mom has enough money for groceries, hair cuts, and mad money. That's a hella lot and super glad that Voyageur does not have that responsibility. Spending time with Mom and being her guardian (Voyageur is Mom's legal guardian) is enough. More than enough. I'm exhausted just being the long-distance caregiver.
Moral of the story - don't trust banks or any financial institution. As soon as you get a diagnosis, get an audit of the finances. And if you need to get a conservator, get a third party (a good elder law attorney) to be your loved one's conservator. Due to a variety of extenuating circumstances, it took us a year to get someone in place. And a loss of a ton of money. Educate yourself. Now.
Yo Voyageur....your turn ;)