Dementia: Shame and Courage

I've just read an article entitled "Why Are We Ashamed of Alzheimer's?"  Good column but I have some companion thoughts....

Some people are ashamed of losing control of one's  WHOLE LIFE in bits and pieces, in front of people - loved ones and strangers alike.  It is a falling apart in plain view and so few people understand. 

This is so simple to me.

I watch my mom lose her sense of time and space and then on bad days, feel stupid, old, useless and falling apart, and she can't help it.

I watch her struggle to understand the children she sees that aren't there and my dead father who isn't there.  She sadly jokes that I should trade her in for a mom who isn't broken.  I don't want another mom, I always tell her I would never trade her in - ever. She knows what's happening and is embarrassed, ashamed, and sad.  It sometimes feels like I'm watching her arms just sloth off or something - literally falling apart.

People pride themselves on the control they have over finances, the household, how well they live their lives.  Now mom is dependent in ways she never dreamed of and feels like she is a burden when she is clearly not.

Of course we need to speak out and talk about this disease, I've thought that since the day mom was diagnosed. We need to push for empathy and understanding of symptoms/behaviors/hallucinations.  And people have to stop denying it, questioning a solid and tested diagnosis.  Look it straight in the face for what it is and be.... compassionate.  People need to understand it's a brain disease.  And love them anyway.

Love you Mom,
Voyageur