E is for Extraordinary
Thanks Voyageur for pinch hitting while I got some much needed rest and settling in to my new digs. Moving cross-country is exhausting, exhilarating and can be exasperating.
Being a long distance care giver is definitely exhausting, at times exasperating and exhilarating to the extent that Mom is not terminal in this moment, she definitely has her good days and fabulous moments and right now, every time we get off the phone, she says I Love You.
The ties between mothers and daughters are strong. The ties between this mother and daughter are undoubtedly strong - able to withstand great force or pressure. Sometimes challenging, but strong nonetheless.
One of the reasons for writing this blog is to ensure my mom does not lose her dignity. As she struggles with more day to day functions, that people know who she is. If you see that woman in the store who shuffles her feet, maybe has a couple of stains on her top, don't judge. She has a story that's rich with love, hardship, laughter...just like you. She may not have gone to college, but she's smart as a whip and could make something out of nothing from a piece of fabric and thread....or a few ingredients and a stove.
From the outside she may appear ordinary, but trust me, she is extraordinary. She still has the deepest love for her husband who has been gone for over seven years. Their love was what so many of us seek. Mutual respect, silliness, palpable love. You could feel the love between them. They held hands all the time, sometimes I was embarrassed to be seen with them in public. That cute couple that adores each other.
Her love didn't just spill over to us, it poured. A friend of mine said the other day of Voyageur's post that I'm well loved. It's quite true. Mom and I have argued over the years, but there was never a question of her love for me. Never a question of her pride in me. Never a question that she has always rooted for me. And she sure as hell would not let anyone pick on me. Fierce for sure.
I have inherited her fierceness for life, love and protecting those I love. Don't get in my way or I may bowl you over. The bank she once worked for has stood in our way of providing the best financial care and I have fought many a day with them. Now we are letting the conservator deal with them. (This is a blog posting, actually a series, in itself). Her primary care doctors of over 2 decades took our constant badgering before they recognized her illness. And as Voyageur has written, some of those in our circle have stood in Mom's way too.
As dementia takes pieces of her brain and she struggles to have a full conversation or crochet an afghan, her love is still there in full force. This disease cannot take away her love. THAT is extraordinary. So the next time someone in front of you is struggling because they don't understand how much they need to pay, their clothes are a little soiled and there is a shuffle in their walk, know that this is an extraordinary person with a rich history and deep love. Maybe just like you.