Happy Beginning of Holiday Season…I think…Wait…ARRRGGHH

Holidays for mom begin with the change of season.  The crispness of fall, the leaves changing color, darkness falling sooner.  Smells of apples, cinnamon, and everything warm. 

Then comes the inevitable question, ‘Did we already have Thanksgiving?’  It catches me off guard, even when I know mom is confused about dates.  ‘Nope, not yet.  Soon’  and then we talk about what we will have and who to invite.

Holidays are tricky for most people.  Families with dementia, they are an alternate reality.  I like to think of the Matrix and operate from the standpoint of ‘There is no spoon.’  However we will run with Voyageur’s Super hero Wonder Woman theme.

I have learned I need to put on my super hero garb before going home.  For me, that is going to my favorite yoga studio and getting centered.  The last time I went home, I also stopped at my favorite market and hung out with the produce.  Starting in my happy place helps my mindset, because I usually have higher expectations than I would like.  

When I go home, I usually spend a week, and I stay with mom.  Challenging, yes; but some of the best time ever with her.  I also make sure to spend time with friends and practice yoga daily – it helps to keep me balanced.  It’s easy to get sucked in to the world of dementia, and I love being in mom’s world, but it’s critical for me NOT always to be playing Wonder Woman.

The breath is my tiara.  Whenever there is a situation and I get stuck, I come back to the breath, just as when Wonder Woman throws the tiara, it knocks out the bad guy and comes back to her.  My breastplate is non-attachment (which is why I make sure to go and spend time with friends).  Attachment to who mom was has broken my heart.  Non-attachment has given me the gift of learning who she is and opened my heart.

What you will find on my Wonder Woman tool belt: lowered expectations about how the holiday will look, willingness to cook and clean, keen eyesight for noticing when mom gets overwhelmed with guests, sharp sense of smell for anything that may be burning on the stove.  And of course the upbeat, Pollyanna attitude that helps keep her balanced. 

My invisible jet is her car to take her to familiar places: favorite ice cream parlors, her crafts haunt, the mall she loves to explore and anywhere else she wants to go. 

Mom has been Wonder Woman for me many a time.  This time, it’s my turn.

Mom loves fall, Thanksgiving, family, togetherness.  Holidays for her are family, laughter and fun.  This, I can give her. 

Yo, Voyageur - your turn.